Basically there are two types of assault. That which is committed by strangers and that which is committed by acquaintances. A close look at recent studies show increasing evidence that with acquaintance assault too many women were screaming rape when actually none had occurred. Sorry, ladies but facts are facts, and certain facts repeat themselves over and again.

One fact in particular is that alcohol is almost always involved, followed by the charge, "he must have slipped something into my drink because I got dizzy, I got weak, I got this, I got that. Next thing I knew this, next thing I knew that." Another fact is that they always managed to end up ‘alone', whether at his place, her place, a friend's bedroom, somebody's car, etc.

One sad case involved a young woman who, on a camp outing, met up with a young man and decided to stay up ‘talking' through the wee hours of the night. Consuming two glasses of wine (no problem, her limit was four or five usually), she decided to crawl into a tent with the young man where things quickly heated up. Next thing she knew it was morning. The young man was gone. Apparently she had passed out at some point but found strong evidence that sexual activity had occurred. In contacting me for counseling, the young woman asked if she could consider herself to be raped? As far as common sense goes, the only thing she could consider herself to be is stupid.

Women who like to behave carefree and careless, drinking and carousing with men they don't know well and getting themselves into situations where anything can happen, always seem to have a hard time excepting responsibility for what does happen. And's it's difficult to counsel with someone who refuses to own up to their own mistakes. This is why I no longer counsel on acquaintance assault. It's every woman's responsibility to keep herself safe at all times. Dress questionably and the message you are send says that what you are willing to show you are willing to share. Otherwise, why show it at all, unless you're just a tease. This alone has gotten women into trouble they would rather have avoided. Dress appropriately! We don't have to see what you have to know that you have it. Also you can't go out and consume tons of alcohol so that you are no longer in control or even aware of your actions. We would suggest not drinking at all while on a date unless you drink responsibly, no more than two drinks, and then have a GIRLFRIEND drive you home. You can't crawl into a car or other with anyone where you know things are going to heat up and then say later in the game, "No, this isn't what I want, etc.," and expect or assume your partner is going to jump up and say, "Oh, OK, I was getting bored with it anyway." If you aren't prepared to go all the way, then you have no business starting this kind of behavior in the first place. It's dangerous to lead people on.

For those of you who truly want to stay safe instead of playing games and Mama never told you how, here's the deal. 1. Never go alone on a date with someone you don't know well – always go in a group setting, and continue to do so for as long as it takes to get to know your new love interest well enough that he has proven his intentions. It won't take longer to get to know your new love interest if you're always around other people, and anyway what's you're great hurry? If the point is to be with each other, what difference will it make if there are other people around?

2. Steer clear of the bars or at least don't consume alcohol while on a date. And if at a private party, make sure never to accept drinks from strangers. Fix it yourself or have a friend do it for you. And never leave your drink unattended.

3. Be careful when it comes to getting physical. Many women long for affection, kissing, holding hands, etc. This can be done lightly, even in the midst of company. It is a sweet way of showing someone you care. Trying to get simple affection in the form of anything hot and heavy is simply asking for trouble, especially when you're with someone you don't know very well.

Now, moving on to assaults committed by strangers. This is a whole different ball game. A woman made a quick trip to the grocery store one evening for a few needed items. As she approached her vehicle to leave, she was not much concerned with the van parked beside her – until the door slid open and a masked man jumped out, grabbed her, pulled her into the van and viciously raped her. When finished, he threw her from the van and drove off into the night. Women in these circumstances face far greater emotions than that of guilt as in acquaintance assault and with good reason. Anger and fear can often end up consuming them and alter their lives forever. It is vitally important that they seek the assistance of someone who can help them to understand why this has happened to them, what they can do about it, and how they can put their lives back together. Because it is possible to do so and it's a must.

Here are some tips designed to increase your security measures against stranger assaults. 1. When possible always go in the company of a friend when you have to go out at night.

2. If you must make a trip alone especially at night, always be aware of your surroundings. When parking, stay close to the facility. Keep circling until you find the right spot. It's worth your time. Avoid parking beside large vehicles like vans, etc, whether day or night.

3. Always have on your person some form of protection, mace, stun gun, etc., and make sure it is within easy reach.

4. If you are attacked, try not to panic, though that sounds absurd, I know. But you will need to keep focused if you are to fight effectively. Go for the soft points. The eyes, the nose, the ribs, the toes, and of course, the jewels. Fight like a wildcat and don't forget to scream bloody murder. The more attention you call to yourself, even if no one appears to be around, the better chance you have of alerting someone to your distress or even better, unnerving your assailant so that he flees the scene. One woman pretended to have a seizure, twitching and choking and rolling her eyes back. Her attacker freaked and took off. Whatever it takes.

5. And if, for some reason, your assailant gets the better of you and it becomes evident that your life is on the line unless you cooperate, then please use good wisdom and judgement. There's a good chance your assailant will spare your life it you use your head. At this point, forget about your body, it's only that of flesh and it in no way determines who you are as a person. If your body has to go through an assault in order for your life to be spared, then so be it. Who you are is much more important than what happens to your physical body. Surviving is the only thing that matters now. Just keep quiet and cool until you have the chance to get away. Remember God is with you every second. And though he can't go against man's will and stop him from causing injury to you, (every man was created with a free will) He will make a way for you to recover from such an assault. Get to a hospital as soon as you possibly can for the care that you will need. This is a must. Forget about any shame that may be pushing itself upon you at this point. Shame is a tool used to help correct our attitudes when we do something wrong. Since you're the victim here, don't give into shame or any other negative emotion so that they keep you from taking the appropriate actions. If you don't do what you need to stand up for yourself, your recovery will be very slow if not close to impossible.

W.D. Lane.
April, 2007